I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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