I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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