Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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