I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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