ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
