I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize