i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
