She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Randomize
