I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
