I cockslap morals
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
My dick has a subreddit
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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