I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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