I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
