His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
