Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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