i don't like sucking hair
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
