1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
There r osticjed everywhere
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
