haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
