Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
