i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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