He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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