there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
