ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I haven't been this sober since birth.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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