I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
