Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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