Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
