If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
