I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
