just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
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