I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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