I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
