I'm really into asian looking animals
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
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