So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
