I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
