it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
we're making bets on your personal life
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
