I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize