in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
