my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
