I just made out with a guy for $7.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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