I'm gonna have a badass scar
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize