Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
