He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
