and you said cock pushups were impossible
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Everything about him screamed your future.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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