your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize