I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
