thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Randomize
