Sorry, I don't speak sober.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
