Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
