I'd wear matching sweaters with you
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize