She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize