dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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