It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
