feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
