I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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