I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
