im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
