I'm going to jail i love you
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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