Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
