i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
