but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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