im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
