As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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