9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
