in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
