Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize