Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
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