I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Randomize
