R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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