they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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