i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
